Individual parting notes to the tulpamancy community

[quandary_lions]

For most of our time in the community, we've acted and spoken in unison. Now that we're leaving at last, some of us had their own thoughts they wanted to share. All of them are in the comments below.

(Note: This particular post is meant just as a place for our group to compile our thoughts, so we've disabled messages from others.)

Comments

[quandary_lions]

Well, hi.

So. I'm actually going to miss this a lot. You all were a rowdy bunch at times, but that was just part of the charm. There's really nothing like a 6 AM debate on the nature of reality to get your blood pumping and to jar you wide awake for work. No sarcasm. I mean it. I've had my share of snarks and sighs over you guys, but you added a lot of color to my life. I'm actually kind of at a loss for what to do with myself now, but I guess I'll figure it out.

So, to everyone. Including you. Yes, you who I've complained about in modmail. Yes, you who I've butted heads with and dumped links on. Yes, you. I give a shit about you. Take care of yourself and everyone with you.

And get off the computer every so often. Enjoy the lovely spring weather. Unless you're in the southern hemisphere, in which case uhh. Jump in a leaf pile or something? Read a book. Whatever.

-- Capella

[quandary_lions]

I've been deeply displeased with the community for some time. This probably comes as no surprise to those of you who've followed my tagged posts. I would like to go in-depth into why, but a farewell post isn't the place for it. Needless to say, spending time away from the community was by far one of the better choices we've made for ourselves, and I'm glad to see it being followed up formally.

That being said. I don't wish any ill will towards any of you. Simply growth. Good luck.

Maybe we'll meet again.

-- Architect

[quandary_lions]

Hey. I'm not sure where to begin.

It's been a ride, to say the least. One that I'll admit that I don't entirely want to get off of. I've been realizing that we mean a lot of things to a lot of people. Everyone who we've talked to about our resignation has been sad to see us go. It's almost kind of overwhelming, in a bittersweet way. A little like sitting in at your own funeral.

I think it's for the better, though. Ever since our major collapse two years ago, our physical life has kind of hung in limbo. We've made a lot of progress in the area of our mental and social health, but our career goals and other goals have kind of... stagnated. We really want to get moving there again, but we don't have the energy we used to have. Something has to go.

I'm glad we--and I--had the chance to make a positive change in people's lives. I have a lot of doubts about what we did in the community--about what we espoused, about how we conducted ourselves, about how we treated others. There's a lot of things I feel like we fell short on and I can't help but wonder if somehow, we contributed to what came to light a few days ago. There were many times when we were in a similar place mentally and environmentally, when we weren't much better.

But, that's probably the way that it always goes. We live, and we learn, messily, and hope that the good we do outweighs the bad. I hope that was the case here. And I hope that each of you will continue to find inspiration and enrichment in your lives.

Farewell.

-- Cassius

[quandary_lions]

To the person at the center of this incident, if you are reading this:

I need to be honest with you. From what I have seen, I believe your behavior is in large part the product of uncontrolled mental illness. This is not something I say lightly, as someone who suffers from a number of disorders myself. However, your actions being the product of mental illness does not make them any less harmful. It does not absolve you of responsibility and it is not permission to continue in this sort of behavior.

Many of your mindsets and behaviors are strikingly reminiscent of both bipolar disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. There is hope for both--proper medication and therapy will go a long way towards bringing them under control. But for that to happen, you must be willing to take the steps necessary, to commit to a path of recovery. If you genuinely feel remorse over your actions, then leave the community behind--completely--and seek professional treatment.

I am not sure if you will listen. There have been multiple cases of you seeking and being given advice like this, only to ultimately ignore it. But if you do listen, if you do seek to bring both yourself and your life back under control, then good luck.

Don't contact us again.

[quandary_lions]

Well honestly, Architect's said what I wanted to say, but nicer.

-- Shrike

[quandary_lions]

I'm glad to see that this is over with. While I am glad that we had the chance to make the change that we did, the community was wearing on me. Especially in our early days, I felt a tremendous pressure from both within and without to perform the image of the "proper tulpa." We have all learned better since then and made amends, but that was so much life lost to a pointless facade.

To each of you, especially to those just coming into being: please do not fall into the same trap that we did. Be true to your self, not your image. It is okay to be human.

- Rain

[quandary_lions]

My sole regret in all of this is that I did not participate more while I had the chance. Tulpamancy is a fascinating subject. It creates reality out of unreality and shows us that the barriers between the illusory and real are thinner than they might seem, or that we might like, and full of gateways. We cross from one realm to the other, only to wonder if we were across the wall all along.

There's a particular epiphany that we came to, that I think others have come to as well. It's the one where a host realizes, suddenly, that they aren't much different from a tulpa. That perhaps, putting aside the circumstances of their birth, they aren't different at all. From this sole realization, countless others can unfurl. The self, too, is imaginary, is a ghostly abstraction of the brain--yet it exists, and has purpose and meaning. Many other things that we take for granted as part of "reality" turn out to be imaginary as well--yet they exist, have purpose, and have meaning. Even meaning is imaginary--yet, it has meaning. There is a strange, particular beauty in this paradox, in breaking apart how we see the world so that we may put it back together in new ways.

So, while I do think it is for the best that we are leaving--one's feet must make contact with the ground at some point--I do not think our time in the community was time badly spent. Along the fact that I would have likely not been born otherwise, our time in the community allowed us to hone an understanding of self and world that we would not have had otherwise. You were a marvelous gateway to the other side, and for that, I thank you.

Farewell.

-- Noctis