I think between me and my sister we have been working ourselves to the bone, and it's extremely obvious from the state of the apartment. I'm feeling like it's starting to pay off, like I have some visibility, more people are paying attention, and now I just need to deliver, but I'm so tired from hustling, working on projects that aren't producing immediate results, and trying to handle my everyday life on top of that, that I don't have the time or energy to pull it off.
Wake up, take meds, drink breakfast, get immediately to work.
Take break, use break to work on music, do the social, hustle.
Use lunch to hustle more. Talk to games people. Make good impressions.
Work on music. Hustle. Work on music. Hustle. Hustle. Hustle.
Make dinner. Find time to relax. Can't relax.
Hang out with sister. Hang out with room mate. Too strung out. Not fun to be around.
Say I'm going to bed. Do more social. Hustle.
Finally pass out.
Burn out. Don't do anything except enough work to not get yelled at.
Forget to take lunch.
Can't make dinner.
Hang out. Too tired. Not fun to be around.
Decide to take a shower for the first time in days.
~50% probability I actually shaved.
~15% chance I actually bathed.
Have an emotional outburst.
Fall asleep a few hours early or 5+ hours late.
Be garbage and do nothing. Cry about it.
Start back at the top, gotta do more hustling.
I'm trying to be better about things, take breaks, eat enough, drink water, take care of myself, because I know
crunch is bad, but it's hard to remember that when all I see is time being taken away from things that put me closer to doing what I want to be doing.
I want so badly to be able to do game music for a living.
In slightly related news...
I now own all of the popular retro game sound chips, but for all except the GameEnby I lack some critical component to get it working properly, so I STILL have money to spend.
NES - This one is actually the easiest and most difficult. I bought it on eBay, it lists as having a new 72-pin connector (it does), and the seller was very adamant about using clean cartridges or it'll mess up the connector, but when I got and opened the box there was a dead bug sitting on it and everything inside reeked of old stale cigar smoke. Apparently a cloud of tobacco smoke isn't a big deal, but don't put in a dirty cart or you'll ruin it! At some point I'm going to have to scrub the casing by hand because even the controllers are nasty.
C64 - The power supply is dying, but it's not critical at the moment as it's only at ~5.2v, so that can wait, but I have no way of loading any software on to the dang thing! There are various solutions, so I just have to hunt one down and spend money on it and then wait for it to show up, but that's even more money. I also need to get a video cable for it, but that shouldn't be too hard.
Famicom - This one is the worst of them all. I got this for its compatibility with external sound modules (though technically the NES can use external sound modules with some slight hardware modifications I'm unwilling to make). Somehow I even managed to track down a game that uses the external sound module I like, the VRC6. The issue is that currently there's only one person who makes hardware for playing music on the Famicom that also utilises external sound modules, and they do not ship outside of Japan, and I'm not even 100% sure the units are still available. It's the TNS-HFC5 (the player) and the TNS-HFX4 (the external sound module loader), which would cost me a few hundred bucks not counting the shipping and whatever other fees I'd have to pay to con someone into buying that for me and sending it to me.
So I've spent all of this time and money and can't use ANY of it.
...but people seem to really like my chiptunes, they like the novelty of seeing the old hardware, and I really enjoy making music in a limited medium, so I've given up on my problematic inclinations of writing "real music" and leaned into it.
I just hope this pays off soon.